Premear League News

Anger management

Ahead of today’s match against Manfester Shitty the Vest Bromrage Albion manager was in short supply of first team players. Their last game saw 3 of their players sent of for assaults on the opposition and with 6 injured from training ground violence earlier in the week, a weaker but just as angry side had to hold the fort.
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New menu announced

Worst Ham Uneedit announced their new menu today which will be served in the club’s executive boxes. The Spammer’s chefs told reporters today that this is a very proud moment for them in their achievement to take Luncheon meat to a new level.
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Boiling point

The Topman Hatspares manager reached boiling point this week branding his own players as a bunch of brainless morons. “They can’t follow simple instructions, it just goes in one massive ear and out of the other.”
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Swimming badges to bring Hope

Sheffield Whenstheday were beat 3-1 on their own soil at the weekend against Sunderlend which confirmed yet another defeat for the home side. Upset fans were left at the end of the match still wondering “whens the day we’ll ever win anything”.
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They even took the taps

Police were called in earlier today after Evertongue hosted Robberham Unickedit in a goalless draw. Attention was focused elsewhere after both players and fans reported missing possessions.
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Problems in the pants

Nobitch suffered a 2-0 defeat at the weekend when they played at home to Foolham. The first goal came in the 26th minute when the attacking side seemed to walk right through the defense who looked to be having problems in the pants.
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Boooooooooooob!

“Boooooooooooob!” is what echoed around the Middlesbra stadium today where they took on Hull Zitty in a clash that ended in a goalless draw.
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It all ended in tears

Loverpull visited Mansister Uknitted this week for a game which was full of drama, huffs and tears. Loverpull scored the opening goal after the ref awarded them a penalty for a slap on the face. The Uknitted defender claimed that the Loverpull number nine was making vulgar gestures which provoked the slap. The penalty was scored and the Uknitted player walked off the pitch in the huff.
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Match aborted due to stench

Manfester Shitty hosted rivals Mansister Uknitted at the weekend in a game which was called off in the 2nd half due to an unbearable stench that filled the stadium. Uknitted fans were complaining from the beginning of a nasty whiff drifting around before kick off.

Fans later described the smell as a mixture of bad BO and sewage, which they said didn’t surprise them coming here. “There’s always something foul in the air at this stadium, but we just have to put up with it,” one fan said.
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Manager concerned over players focus

The Loverpull manager has voiced his concerns over the lack of focus from his players. It seems their attentions are more focused on members of the opposite sex rather than on the game. Players have been reported seen in exclusive hostess clubs around the city of Loverpull boasting 70′s perms and bling.
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